I Try

I try.... Really hard.

I try hard to be positive all the time. Even when everything around me is falling apart.

I try hard to trust that life has a plan for me. To trust that people around me are sincere. To trust that maybe someone could love me as much as I love them. Even if I feel like I have nothing to offer but my love.

I try hard to believe people care. Even if they don't always show it. Even if they don't make time for me.

I try hard to be the person you want to love. Even though I know I will probably never be that person.

I try hard to make you proud. Even if you never stop to notice what I'm doing or see it for what it is.

I try hard to make my life better. Even if I always end up taking one step forward and get thrown three steps back.

I try hard to hold myself together. Even as the tears tear down my walls and drown me from the inside out.

Starting Over

So I never keep up with this whole blogging thing. But I use facebook as a sort of diary so I figured I might as well give this a fresh try. Where to begin....

My name is Dezi, I have a soon-to-be 3 year old son named Cameron. I suppose his antics will take up a healthy chunk of this blog. The other chunk will be taken up with my stupid emotions and things that happen to me or things that I see that I find funny. And probably for some rants. And just my life in general.

Ah. I know where I'll begin.

As I sort of skipped out of the door after work today the sky was really clear, the warm summer air embraced me, and I looked up and saw this airplane not far above me. The sky was so clear and it was so low that I could see the lights and little details of the plane. I thought I was gonna run into one of the new vehicles by staring into the sky in awe at this airplane. I couldn't help but wonder where it was going and who was on it. I felt this complete feeling of nostalgia. Along with this wonder of what the future could hold and where I might one day go. And I know I can't wait til I one day get to fly somewhere.